It's hard to know the appropriate way to act and feel in certain situations. Today was no different and no less confusing than other experiences, which I'm sure I'll address in this blog.
Today I woke up early (6:20ish) so my dad didn't have to take care of our dog Copper in the morning. I got ready for work, spent eight hours there until four, went and grabbed food, came home and ate, and then passed out on the couch. I must have been asleep for an hour or two because when I woke up my whole family had returned home. I don't remember what woke me up; it could have been my dad calling me up. The food they had been preparing for supper (my dad had made burgers, the exact same thing I had ate after four) must have been ready. My stomach was still full from eating earlier, and I wanted nothing to do with food. I was still tired as well, so I crashed on the couch up there and tried to fall back asleep. My memory tells me that I'm getting yelled at next to get up and help prepare for a meal that I would not even be attending, but I suppose I could be wrong; he could have been asking nicely at first. But it elevated to yelling eventually. I told him that I wasn't hungry, and that I wasn't going to be eating, but I still got to hear the backlash of his voice calling me "damn lazy." My dad never swears. 99% of the time they (my parents) set the table themselves, and never ask for help from us kids. I'm going to assume today was an awful day for my dad.
But here are where the mixed feelings are. I don't know how to feel.
I think it's clear that my father was upset about something else, thus taking it out on the first thing he saw (me sleeping on the couch) that wasn't ideal in setting up a good rest of the night. Should I have helped him? Should I hate him for being a prick about something so little? Was in fact I being the asshole here? Who is in the right and who is in the wrong?
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A couple blogs back one of my characters was given an epiphany from someone he hardly knew: That no one wins when it comes to love. We are all struggling for the same thing, and in a "perfect relationship," there is only one victor, and the rest are left to go scavenge for someone else.
There is another epiphany I've developed over the years:
No one is special. You see a girl (or boy) and you think "Damn, there is something special about that person. They're the most beautiful girl (or boy) I've ever seen. Their personality is exactly what I'm looking for." And chances are it doesn't work out. And you're hurt, and your immature mind briefly thinks you'll never be able to find love again. And then you get over it, by way of finding someone else.
I've experienced this often. I've found myself attracted to the beauty and personality of many girls, and I've found that it doesn't matter if you chase it with all your heart or if you hardly give it a glance. There will always be someone else to take your mind off them. No one's stay contains permanence.
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God. I go from thinking about how much I love my dad, to how much his temper can ruin every experience with him.
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My mind wanders.
"This is for you.
And you'll never know it.
You'll never see it."
3 comments:
I think you should have helped your dad. He shouldn't have yelled at you, but you should have helped at least a little bit.
And....
Just because you get hurt doesn't mean that people aren't special. ...ed. No, seriously.
Flattering quote. I don't usually comment since we're in close communication. But I doubt you're awake and I'm in a crazy mood. Plus comments are awesome.
All because of the movie Stardust. It made me want to love people, and it's crazy that it's now that I decided to check blogspot. I kind of agree. No one's really that special. And the few people that are, well, they're either lost or they're in movies like Stardust because they're perfect.
I.e., Claire Danes.
Joe, I'm ashamed of you. You can find a more perfect person than Claire Danes. She is, in fact, glaringly imperfect! And Stardust? I'm not even going to say anything...
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